1. God hears all prayers and reads every Tweet…Providing there is a quorum of 10 men sending them.
2. The Sabbath represents a tremendous opportunity for weight gain. Jewish Orthodox bulimics, anorexics and Jenny Craigers exert extreme discipline and self-control when feeding on this holy day.
3. If the bubby had betzim, she wouldn’t need Zaidy.
4. If you ever find Socialism knocking at your front door, treat it like the Jehovah’s Witnesses…don’t answer it.
5. Maybe NY State should mandate sex education for its politicians.
6. Funny And Jewish News Brief: The Luxury Ocean Liner Queen Mary 2 is to be converted to 5-Star Flotilla.
7. Impossibilities are merely things which we have not yet learned that we are unable to do.
8. Funny And Jewish Fashion Ttip: The color of one’s underwear is only important if you’re accessorizing.
9. Contemplating whether or not blondes “get” blonde jokes or just get frustrated.
10. Carrying out 1 random act of kindness a day with no expectation of reward sounds great on paper. But what’s in it for me?
11. FunnyAndJewish.com introduces Speed Dating for Seniors. Meet up to 2 dates in 4 hours (incl snack breaks, 3 naps & 7 washroom interruptions).
12. Speed Chat Dates are like talking to someone who won’t shut up.
13. Speaking of couples, every time I see a couple of bulimics I want to vomit!
14. Mazel Tov to FunnyAndJewish.com for being selected Best Answer on Yahoo! Answers. Read the question by Man Infested with Demons at Yahoo! Answers.VERY FUNNY.
15. Can you believe that we’re as successful as we are and we’re still on dial-up? Funny because it’s true!
16. You say that she’s 20 and he’s 14? That’s not dating, that’s babysitting.
17. Men are from MasterCard, Women are from Visa, Amex and Sears. Jewish Matchmaking 101. Funny Jewish Dating Advice.
18. Jews have never locked pictures up in attics. Instead, we make a gazillion copies for all of our mothers, friends and relatives.
19. A witch and a shaman walk into a German coffee shop and… they start another World War. Get it? The joke takes place in Germany…Germany!
20. I wish my sleep apnea would go away so I could sleep through all the rioting, looting, and oh what the heck… I’m out of here!
21. Some serious Kosher Laughs here.
22. Obama’s policies clearly demonstrate that he is already stoned and your suggestion that he should be comes too late.
23. There are 12 Tribes, not 13 because God does not like unlucky numbers.
24. Do you think the Messiah has an Obama complex?
25. If any Jewish mothers join the conversation, no one will ever be able to get a Tweet in edge-wise.