Funny And Jewish

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I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your heart to. Share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets. You can confide in me. I’ll understand your insecurities. No fatties, please.

Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart, independent, self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me.

Your place or mine? Divorced man, 42, with meat dishes only. Seeks woman with nice dairy set.

Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman.

Israeli woman, 28, works behind falafel counter in pizza shop, looking for Jewish man with sense of humus…

Very pretty, slim, lulav would like to meet fragrant, squeezable esrog. Let’s do hoshanas together. Pitum a must.

Reform rabbi, 45, I count women for the minyan and call them up to the Torah. I’m seeking females to make aliyah.

Single Jewish woman, 29, into disco, mountain climbing, skiing, track and field. Has slight limp.

Desperately seeking shmoozing! Retired senior citizen desires female companion 70+ for kvetching, kvelling, krechtzing. Under 30 is also OK too.

If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the blech. Heimishe balabusta, 39, will cook you such a tzimmes. Hurry, it’s getting cold.

Successful orthodox diamond cutter. Both Shea and Yankee Stadium. No Shabbos games. Will not mow lawn during s’firah. Seeking wife.

Matzo supplier, 53, seeks cloth bag manufacturer. Let’s play “Hide the Afikomen.”

I’ve had it all: herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and four of the ten plagues. Now I’m ready to settle down. So, where are all the nice Jewish men hiding?

Nice Jewish guy, 38. No skeletons. No baggage. No personality.

Are you the girl I spoke with at the kiddish after shul last week? You excused yourself to get more horseradish for your gefilte fish, but you never returned. How can I contact you again? (I was the one with the cholent stain on my tie).

Shochet, 54, owns successful butcher shop in Midwest. Doesn’t believe women should be treated like a piece of meat. Seeks glatt kosher maydle for marriage.

Sincere Jewish feminist, wears tzitzis, seeking male hard working, observantwho will accept my independence, although you probably will not. Oh, just forget it.

Jewish businessman, 49, manufactures Sabbath candles, Chanukah candles, havdallah candles, Yahrzeit candles. Seeks non-smoker.

Israeli professor, 41, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good.

Couch potato latke, in search of the right applesauce. Let’s try it for eight days. Who knows?

80-year-old bubby, no assets, seeks handsome, virile Jewish male, under 35. Object matrimony. I can dream, can’t I?

FunnyAndJewish.com thanks Mr. Harry Gluckman of Harry’s Humble House of Humor for the aforementioned laughs Please visit his site for more humour.

Funny And Jewish is a satirical Jewish Humour Website

Tags: Jewish Humour, Jewish Personal Classifieds