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November 29, 2023

Pet Store Vows to Keep Goldfish Despite Tragedy

Jewish Humour Funny Killer Goldfish

A goldfish that killed a salesman in front of horrified onlookers will stay in its aquarium, or so says Pet World’s president amid a raging debate on keeping such animals in captivity.

Goldie, the 1.5-inch goldfish in question is already linked to 3 separate attacks – The goldfish was so aggressive that rescuers could not immediately jump in to lend assistance. Instead, alert attendants gently moved the small but deadly carp into a smaller tank immediately adjacent to it where the dead body was removed from its jaws.

Witnesses said there were no early warning signs to suggest that something might be wrong or that anyone could have anticipated that Goldie would snap. Only moments before a 7-year-old boy chose her, she was seen swimming happily amongst the thousands of other goldfish.

As per Pet World’s Emergency Measures policy, alarm bells immediately sounded while all staff scattered throughout the store frantically waving their nets urging shoppers to run for their lives.

In a grim twist, the smaller tank is apparently the same spot where the body of a man was found 1 year ago to the day. He was reported missing after not returning from feeding the snakes.

Before today’s deadly attack, junior staff members were cautioned to only permit senior management to select the goldfish.

Animal rights groups are now pressing for the release of Goldie into a controlled area, while other activists are calling for her to be put down.

A former dog trainer with the store said that keeping goldfish in captivity makes them violent. “They are going to keep Goldie until she kills someone else. She is a monster who is a product of captivity. If Goldie was a bear or a fire-breathing dragon, she would have been put down long ago.”

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