Jewish Humour, Jewish jokes, laughs and funny features
Friday August 18th 2017

Jewish Yellow Pages

Jewish Humor

Shrewd Jerusalem entrepreneurs have hit upon an idea that is paying off sizable dividends: use a Jewish or Biblical sounding name and you will attract clients.

While this may good for Jerusalem’s economy, Israelis are left confused; many feeling lost like they are trapped in some sort of biblical space-time continuum.

Unholy Name Calling Batman!

We at FunnyAndJewish are offended by these Israeli businesses that continue to exploit Jewish Scriptures for their own commercial gain.

This trend must stop. It is an embarrassment to Warren Buffet (currently shopping the Middle-East for low-tech companies) and it is also offensive to the Jewish community (as if anyone cares about that).

If you don’t find the following disrespectful, there’s something wrong with you. There is absolutely nothing holy about this unholy sampling of ‘name’ offenders that caught our eye:

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A MAN AFTER HIS OWN HEART

Dr. Levi Hart, Cardiologist

Dr. Hart is doing so well, he just bought a second Cadillac. See why everyone in the community is living longer while helping him pay down his loans.

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APPLE OF THE EYE

Optometry

Where There Is No Vision, People Perish. (Proverbs 29:18)

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BONE OF MY BONES

Chiropractic Clinic

For Today’s ‘Stiff Necked People’.

Watch for our 2 new locations opening soon at the top and bottom of Massada.

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BY BREAD ALONE

Diet Workshops

Gluten and Wheat-Only Nutrition Specialists

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BY THE SWEAT OF YOUR BROW

Personal Fitness Instruction

Toiling ‘round the clock with nothing to showbut a big belly? Drop by and have a good, long shvitz. Our fitness instructors will make you look like a person again, guaranteed.

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EYE FOR AN EYE/TOOTH FOR A TOOTH

Facial Reconstructionists

One doctor works above the nose, the other below. You’ll never pay an arm and leg. Our fees are more than fair – they’re downright outrageous!

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FLOWING WITH MILK AND HONEY

Illiterate Butchers

(Not doing so well)

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I AM THAT I AM

The Popeye Channel

All Popeye, all the time.

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IT’S NOT GOOD FOR MAN TO BE ALONE

Kosher Matchmaking

30 Minutes Or Free. Love Your Neighbor as You Love Yourself – Halachically.

*Ask us about our Special Moabite Family Rates.

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LET MY PEOPLE GO

Immigration Lawyers

Last names no longer necessary. Conveniently located across the hall from Scapegoat L.L.B. Defense Attorneys.

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LET THERE BE LIGHT

Lamps and Lighting Accessories

To be a ‘Light onto the nations’ you must be able to see where you are going. Don’t put a stumbling block before the blind!

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MOUTHS OF BABES

Ladies Karaoke and Mikveh

2 for 1 ‘Sing & Swim’ special. Bring a friend & save. Complimentary heated towels. Offer expires Rosh Chodesh.

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MY BROTHER’S KEEPER

Personal/Home Security

Putting other people first is virtuous, but not when you’re a bodyguard.

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NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN

Copyrights and Patents

Invented something new?

Had an original thought lately?

Why not give us a call…

Or do you have a better idea?

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PILLARS OF FIRE

Wedding Gift Specialist

If you are carrying a torch for someone, say “I love you” with our appropriate gift selections.

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STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND

Currency Exchange

City-wide money changers fulfilling all traditional European stereotypes.

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THE SCAPEGOAT

Insurance Claims Specialists

If you didn’t do it, we’ll find someone to blame.

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TO EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON

Landscaping & Lawn Care

From leaf collection to snow removal – We do it so your wife won’t have to.

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WINGS OF EAGLES

Israel’s Other Official Airline

Feel safe in the skies. It’s our landings we have problems with.

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YOU ARE DUST

Motivational Life Coaching

(Please: no psychiatric referrals)

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Funny And Jewish is a satirical Jewish humour website

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Reader Feedback

18 Responses to “Jewish Yellow Pages”

  1. Eva says:

    Great site. I’m sending it to some friends!

  2. Chantel K says:

    I loved reading this. I wanted to leave a note of support to you.

  3. Richard L says:

    This one’s the best in my opinion.

  4. Israel says:

    Why isn’t my business listed?

  5. Akiva says:

    Jerusalem Yellow Pages wins comedy writing gold. ;-)

  6. Matty L says:

    If only more people would read this!

  7. Lydia says:

    Hey,good post and thanks 4 the laff.

  8. Lonny N says:

    You’re very funny and should seriously think about growing this site into a dominant authority in this field. Just an idea, good luck regardless!

  9. Hank says:

    Excellent writing. Keep it going.

  10. RS says:

    you have a good sense of humour.

  11. HG says:

    One of the best Jewish web sites I have seen in a long, long time. I’m subscribing to your RSS Feed.

  12. Ellen S. says:

    I loved this article so much and I found it by accident! Glad I did. It’s hysterical!

  13. Melody Mounson says:

    Cool, Great article. Funny. Funny. Funny :-D

  14. BJ says:

    I love your writing style but especially this article. Yellow Pages Jerusalem really rocks! This is class A material my friend.

  15. Steven P. says:

    Hillarious post guys. This has to be one of the top Jewish Humor web sites out there. Keep up the great writing.

  16. Malcom says:

    Dear FunnyAndJewish:
    I can relate to some of the names that you describe in your satirical look at Biblical names. I too have been taken in at times. I also love your images because they always manage to capture the funny mood you try to convey.

  17. Lamar Buddine says:

    I was searching on yahoo and came across your site and appreciate your diligent work. I just bookmarked Funny And Jewish. Thank you again.

  18. Kaatelynn Tipets says:

    This piece, the very funny Jewish Yellow Pages, should be submitted this to a contest for best blogs on the web. I too will suggest this web site!

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