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October 17, 2021

Palestinian UN Blunder Sinks Statehood Bid

A poorly written UN document laden with spelling mistakes and English mistranslations, has left Palestinian government officials without jobs and no new country of their own to destroy.

As told by former Senior Aide and Palestinian Authority Spokesman Nabil Abu Rdaineh, President Mahmud Abbas was in the process of proudly making a unilateral declaration for ‘Palestinian Statehood’, when he instead reflexively declared a “Palestinian State of Emergency”.

In that single moment, all hopes for the creation of a 23rd Arab country were once again dashed.

Oops, We Did It Again

After failing to divert attention away from his catastrophic misstep (including rattling shiny keys, performing various card tricks and a fractured rendition of the 1950’s song ‘The Name Game’), Abbas collectively blamed and then fired his entire retinue of hand-picked assistants, none of whom could claim English as their 1st, 2nd or even 4th language.

Before leaving the podium, the diplomatically challenged President felt it necessary to sing 12 additional rounds of ‘The Name Game’, beginning each time with a name corresponding to each of his 12 former advisors.

The change in Abbas’ mood was noticeably dramatic, at which point he began to speak of a “new willingness” to work with the United States and Israel on a “declaration of principles” toward a peace agreement.

To fully appreciate this in its historical context, today marks the only occasion when the word “principles” has ever been linked with President Abbas or any member of the Palestinian Authority.

The Pavlovian exercise that has become Obama’s US-Middle East policy was once again in full swing by late-day. It was left to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to fly off to Ramallah and mollify this tear-filled daycare center by presenting Abbas with 2 cheques for $80 million US dollars, a portion to be distributed amongst the entire Arab population with the other half to cover Palestinian Government expenses.

And both were made payable ‘to cash’.

To be continued… and continued…

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