Go to ...

Funny And Jewish

Chosen Humour for Chosen People 24/6

RSS Feed

January 26, 2021

Escape From Egypt: Dear Diary 1 Month On The Run


Dear Diary,

If you’ve ever heard 3.5 million Jews sleeping, you’ll understand why I’m up at this ungodly hour writing. I don’t know how anyone can snooze with all the excitement that’s been happening around hear lately.

Where should I begin?

It’s been 1 month since we left Egypt and I think Moses (“call me Moshe”) has finally settled into his position as ‘Leader of the Jewish People’. His older brother Aaron believes it’s all about personal confidence, but I think it has more to do with getting over the new learning curve that comes with being ‘Leader of the Jewish People’.

At any rate, the man looks great. Maybe it has something to do with that new kosher diet that is all the rage. But that’s another story altogether.

Nevertheless, he must be doing something right. That extra bounce in his step shaved significant Sea-crossing time.

Listen to me going on about other people’s health. I’m starting to sound like one of Pharaoh’s gym teachers: “Today, we’re going to throw bricks. Tomorrow, we’ll build on that by throwing bricks with baby Jews in them!”

As an aside, I caught Shmuly again, yelling at a rock…waiting for water to come pouring out. I worry about that boy. You know, our leader Moses has 72 names and he can’t even remember 1 of them.

Now that I think about it though, if it wasn’t for Shmuly, we might never have crossed the water at all. Let me explain.

The entire Egyptian army was swiftly closing in on us and our backs were to the Sea. Most were panic-stricken, immobilized by fear screaming for help. The rest were “shushing” the hysterical because they wanted to pray.

It was only after a boy named Nachshon jumped into the water that the Sea parted. True story. He jumped in simply to get away from Shmuly, who kept double-daring him to go first. Nachshon finally had enough of Shmuly and did. Everyone simply followed in after him.

So for whatever its worth, we should remember that we might never have been saved if not for the classic shenanigans of a real ‘nudge’ (pest) in the truest sense.

Well, it looks like the Pillars of Fire are about to go out and a new day is about to begin. I can hear all 12 Tribes beginning to stir already.

That’s my time for today.

Until tomorrow, Shalom.

Funny And Jewish is a satirical humor website

Tags: , , , ,

More Stories From Funny Jewish Features