Funny and Jewish is a clean Jewish Humour (Jewish humor) website.
Syria’s Black Friday online sales topped $1 (all sales in US figures) for the first time this year as more Syrian consumers used the Internet to do their holiday shopping.
Online sales exploded by as much as 100% on Black Friday, up from absolutely nothing on the exact same day of last year or any day of any year, according to those who keep these kinds of figures.
And accordingly, these figures mean something. Last year, for example, many people bought many e-things online. But not in Syria, where its easier to wake up without a kidney than it is to manage your e-commerce spending.
However, the good news is that e-commerce spending is growing much faster than the Syrian brick-and-mortar retail stores because the Syrian brick-and-mortar retail stores are no longer left standing.
Funny Jewish Humour (Jewish humor)
“More Violations Than a UN Agreement!”
Take note: that above expression will soon be be the newest phrase around your daily office cooler.
This story continues to follow our Funny and Jewish feature on Syria Agrees to Observe an Eclipse.
The Syrian observation of a UN-led solar eclipse was somewhat marred earlier today when sporadic carnage broke out after only 5 minutes of celestial darkness. Moments earlier, Syria’s air force neglected to fire a single missile or drop 1 barrel-bomb on rebel strongholds, as Syrian opposition fighters also refused to attack any regime positions.
For 5 whole minute!
Syrians of all political stripes and affiliations, civilians and military personnel alike cast their eyes skyward; all while UN forces mediated the distribution of safety protective eye wear.
In a war that quite frankly has taken a frustratingly long time to take hold, this one is becoming pretty boring to follow.
Activists, terrorists, militants, fighters and union members have all accused the others of almost as many violations as Israel has been accused of at the United Nations.
5 minutes following the eclipse and just as the sun’s corona broke, 110 Syrians were immediately killed; a body count similar to the previous day’s entire death toll.
Can you imagine religious Jewish families (or even non-religious Jewish families) halting their food preparations in order to fight? Fight instead of Eat? And these weren’t just any meal preparation mind you. But food preparations for a 4-day holy feast no less!
We know: It sounds as nuts as it reads.
Funny and Jewish is a clean Jewish Humour (Jewish Humor) website.
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Syrian President Bashar al-Assad has indicated that he will observe a UN brokered total eclipse of the sun, an Arab League spokesman said today.
“We have every indication to believe that they (the Syrian government) will adhere to a cessation of all hostilities while the moon passes itself between the earth and the sun. After that, all bets are off.”
Since a UN envoy reported this story, it has been treated as nothing less than a tremendous victory throughout the bulging corridors of the United Nations.
At a closed door hot tub think-tank session, ambassadors to the 15-nation member Security Council were confident that hot towels and a brief truce were both close at hand.
Some savvy political analysts, however, see the Syrian move as a thinly disguised ruse. They contend that the Syrian government only accepted this proposal, the first ever UN-brokered solar eclipse as a mere stalling tactic i.e. simply a means to arm, rearm and advance under the supernatural cloak and cover of an eclipse-induced darkness.
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard” the author of this piece was quoted as thinking just before he wrote it.
“On the other hand, who cares?” he thought and with that, the Syrian ceasefire looked to take hold.
The UN issued a statement supporting the eclipse, which is scheduled to begin Friday morning and extend well into the mid-day. A UN ceasefire record.
There was no elaboration on how such a truce would be enforced. However, it is understood that UN monitors have been ready for weeks to be deployed on Syrian ground to dispense protective eye-wear to both Syrians soldiers and the rebel fighters who, under UN auspices, must observe the eclipse safely.
The previous UN envoy, Kofi Annan, once tried to negotiate a more over-ambitious celestial armistice involving the complete realignment of our planets. Both sides immediately accused the other of violating the agreement.
Now, when put into that context, this current UN proposal has some merit.
Funny and Jewish is a clean Jewish Humour (Jewish Humor) website.
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Syria is the primary destination for Iranian funny gag gifts like fake vomit, stink bombs and poo-poo cushions, a direct violation of a UN ban on anything remotely funny exported by the Islamic Republic
According to a new Turkish report on Iran sanction busting, Syria remains only one of a handful of countries that still find Iranians and their practical jokes funny.
News of the report came as Tehran and the UN try to resolve their differences concerning Iran’s nuclear ambitions. The UN wants to curtail them; Iran wants to blow up the UN.
Three large shipments from Iran to Syria have been monitored over the past year.
The report says, “Iran continues to defy the international community through the illegitimate vending of amusing knick-knacks, humorous chachkas and sheer gross-out novelty items.”
All of which underscores the point that Syria remains a central party to the illicit transfer of funny Iranian souvenirs.
The second shipment involved dribble cups that France said was destined for Syrian President Bashar al-Assad’s inner circle.
Armaments Iran sent Syria that were intercepted by Turkish authorities include itching powder, remote control fart blasters, flies in ice cubes, snapping gum, shocking pens, fake lotto tickets, imitation doggy doo doo and trick birthday candles (you just can’t blow them out – simply hilarious!).
The most recent incident was an illegal shipment of Iranian smelly spray found in the hollowed out legs of a donkey seized as it was crossing the Turkish/Syrian border. Turkey has since imposed an arms embargo on Syria.
It is difficult to guess at this point how the UN Security Council might act. Remember, last year’s report was blocked by Syria’s best-friend and drinking buddy, Russia.
While Iran publicly rejects all allegations of developing nuclear weapons, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad continues to publicly lust for the ability to one day produce a nuclear whoopee cushion.