Dear Diary,
Why do I keep writing? Well, who knows. With a little effort I too one day might also get mentioned in the Bible.
I briefly chatted with Moses’ brother Aaron today. He was asking about my neighbors with the hopes of reconciling them back together again.
They’ve been married for 5 years but with the wind-chill factor it seems more like 15. The husband wants to fulfill his life-long dream of becoming a prophet, and run off to some local mountaintop. She on the other hand, remains unfulfilled, not including the one time she spontaneously broke out into song.
Speaking of which, I can’t get The Song at the Sea out of my head. That entire event was sensational. Even ‘Natan the Critic’ called it “the ultimate show-stopper.”
Give all the ladies credit but it was ‘Miriam the Prophetess’ who was the real standout.
Personal Note: I’ve been meaning to ask Miriam how she maintains that soft, youthful complexion of hers. Seeing as she doesn’t talk much, that’s going to be a bit of a problem.
Who knew those ladies could sing like that? What’s amazing is that they did it all without rehearsing!
Here’s the scene:
We all awoke to Pharaoh’s entire Calvary charging towards us. Our backs were to the sea.
Without getting into all the details, we managed to cross safely and the entire Egyptian army drowned. The air became still. No one moved. No one could.
Then, all of a sudden, B-O-O-M! Every woman broke out singing and started playing the instruments they schlepped all the way from Egypt.
For the life of me until that very moment I couldn’t figure out why we were making so much noise fleeing. We were louder than the Egyptians thundering towards us.
Question: Who ever said women pack light?
Well, it looks like the Pillars of Fire are about to go out, signaling a new day is just around the corner. I can hear the 12 Tribes stirring already.
That’s my time. Shalom.
Funny And Jewish is a satirical humour website
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Dear Diary,
If you’ve ever heard 3.5 million Jews sleeping, you’ll understand why I’m up at this ungodly hour writing. I don’t know how anyone can snooze with all the excitement that’s been happening around hear lately.
Where should I begin?
It’s been 1 month since we left Egypt and I think Moses (“call me Moshe”) has finally settled into his position as ‘Leader of the Jewish People’. His older brother Aaron believes it’s all about personal confidence, but I think it has more to do with getting over the new learning curve that comes with being ‘Leader of the Jewish People’.
At any rate, the man looks great. Maybe it has something to do with that new kosher diet that is all the rage. But that’s another story altogether.
Nevertheless, he must be doing something right. That extra bounce in his step shaved significant Sea-crossing time.
Listen to me going on about other people’s health. I’m starting to sound like one of Pharaoh’s gym teachers: “Today, we’re going to throw bricks. Tomorrow, we’ll build on that by throwing bricks with baby Jews in them!”
As an aside, I caught Shmuly again, yelling at a rock…waiting for water to come pouring out. I worry about that boy. You know, our leader Moses has 72 names and he can’t even remember 1 of them.
Now that I think about it though, if it wasn’t for Shmuly, we might never have crossed the water at all. Let me explain.
The entire Egyptian army was swiftly closing in on us and our backs were to the Sea. Most were panic-stricken, immobilized by fear screaming for help. The rest were “shushing” the hysterical because they wanted to pray.
It was only after a boy named Nachshon jumped into the water that the Sea parted. True story. He jumped in simply to get away from Shmuly, who kept double-daring him to go first. Nachshon finally had enough of Shmuly and did. Everyone simply followed in after him.
So for whatever its worth, we should remember that we might never have been saved if not for the classic shenanigans of a real ‘nudge’ (pest) in the truest sense.
Well, it looks like the Pillars of Fire are about to go out and a new day is about to begin. I can hear all 12 Tribes beginning to stir already.
That’s my time for today.
Until tomorrow, Shalom.