Funny Jewish Health Advice with Humour
Please also visit Why Be A Vegan?
Guest post – Dr. Vegan Jones.
Why are there so many fat kosher vegans out there? How could that ever happen on their ubber restrictive diets?
They must be lying to us, and most importantly lying to themselves. They are simply eating more than their ‘plant and grub’ daily intake allows.
Did these newly minted vegans just decide 5 minutes ago that after decades of stuffing their body like Pizza Hut ovens, that right there and then and all of a sudden, they finally resolved (5 MINUTES AGO!) that they would never, ever, ever eat any meat, cheese, fish, or anything that you’d think of ever putting BBQ sauce on ever again?
Or maybe not.
In trying to explain this vegan craze (and by craze I mean that there are 38+ BING returns for the search Vegan Craze [try it yourself and click!]), I decided to deeply explore the culinary advantages of a vegan diet.
Hmmmmm….
Know what?
Personal experience tells me that when you ask a vegan why they chose to become a vegan, they’ll extol virtues of all the health benefits accrued from adopting this alternative lifestyle.
What’s most bizarre about their foodie fixations are the personal denials and reluctant admissions that their meal variety is so woefully lacking.
Maybe the happiness equation for vegans is a simple one: a limited food choice = an ease of life, …thus accounting for what attracts people to becoming vegans.
Hmmmmm.
Once again, here’s my experiential take on reality:
Recipes for vegans can be written on the backs of matchbooks and business cards. That explains why vegans are always so eager to share all their recipes with you… because it doesn’t take them any time to do so.
Like a vegan pizza – also known as a plain cracker, once the cheese and meat toppings have been removed.
And by now you are probably asking yourself, what is the P.S. to all of this? If there is a post script, it would be this simple question:
P.S. “And just what are their kid’s birthday parties like?”
Hmmmmm… Blowing out the birthday compost pie sounds absolutely fabulous! Who wants the first piece?
Agree or disagree, I’m feeling a little bit hungry now myself.
Bon appetite.
Dr. Vegan Jones.
(Dr. Vegan Jones is neither a doctor nor a vegan, but offers advice freely on both).
Please also visit Why Be A Vegan?
Funny and Jewish is a clean, Jewish Humour website.
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Pope Francis has admitted that a “Jewish lobby” exists within the Vatican’s administration and is planning to take action about it.
The Pontiff made the claim during an audience at the Vatican with a lobby group of American waiters from Long John Silvers who are petitioning the Vatican to allow fish to be eaten on Fridays.
“Yes, it is difficult,” he reportedly said. “In the restaurant business there are holy people, truly holy people who just want to eat fish. Maybe every day. But, and this is also true, there is a current of corruption I call the ’Jewish lobby’ and we will have to see what we can do.”
A Vatican spokesman would not deny the Pope’s remarks but refused to comment on the statement which was also posted on the Popes personal blog. “He’s allowed to post anything he wants to after hours on his WordPress blog.
Whereas in the past, reports of a ‘Jewish lobby’ inside the Vatican would have been startling, today, veteran observers are unfazed by Pope Francis remarks.
Funny and Jewish is a clean Jewish Humour (Jewish humor) website
]]>Fact: Zero out of 100 (0/100) Israeli workers ever get depressed. However, that 101st guy…He’s never getting out of bed again!
Got a case of the office blues? If you do you’re alone, providing you work in Israel. That’s because a recent Israeli survey found 0% of Israeli employees ever suffer from depression.
What’s more, the survey found that 0% of Israeli workers say that they’ve ever experienced any form of depression in their life.
These results are truly amazing!
Israel now appears to be the happiest place on earth (with apologies to Florida’s Disney World).
The findings could be even more far-reaching in scope than originally thought. For example, a Canadian mental health study commissioned by the Government of Canada found that 30% of all disability claims stem from mental health related issues.
Except for that 101st over-stressed doozy, it appears that you won’t find a single falafel eating, Jewish yarmulke wearing, Hebrew speaking, card-carrying Israeli sad-sack in the entire country.
And no wonder; Israeli employers take the issue of mental health as seriously as others here keep the Jewish laws of Sabbath and treat national defense.
Funny? Yes. Jewish? Of course.
And according to these findings, 100% of Israeli managers believe that it is their job to intervene if they notice as much as a frown or a grimace on their employee’s face – It is almost as if the Land of Israel itself refuses to allow depression to take hold (except for that aforementioned 101st guy).
All joking aside, this Jewish funny made us laugh.
Funny and Jewish is a clean Jewish Humour (Jewish Humor) website.
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Pope Benedict XVI returned to the Vatican from Niagara Falls following a historic, 3 day working vacation in the honeymoon capital of the world.
The pontiff was visibly moved, literally, on a breath-taking helicopter ride over the Niagara Gorge before he stepped out to greet the assemblage. Many traveled great distances to hear him speak; but most came for the complimentary passes to the giant SkyWheel (Catholic’s only).
Delivering his sermon from the second floor balcony of his Days Inn suite, the Pope blessed locals for “providing us with the best 24 hour breakfast anywhere.”
First honored outside Madame Tussauds Museum and then again at Ripley’s Believe It or Not, Pope Benedict was caught trying to switch places with his wax counterpart just prior to a ribbon cutting ceremony.
“It gives me great pleasure to christen this horror exhibit and officially declare it open. Now kids, prepare to be scared to Hell!”
After posing for a commemorative portrait by a celebrated caricature artist/Elvis impersonator, his holiness held a special outdoor Mass, where the faithful received communion and fresh maple fudge.
“I am sad because I have to leave. Does anyone have a towel?” asked the pope, his papal crown still dripping wet from the Maid of the Mist boat ride. “Much more missionizing remains to be done, and I have a feeling that with the Lord’s help, I will be back again soon.”