US agents raided two Gibson Guitar factories in Nashville and Memphis TE, confiscating wood, computer equipment and guitars.
The seizures were part of an ongoing investigation into Gibson’s procurement of materials it uses for its line of Mel Gibson Tribute Guitars.
Both the Gibson Les Paul and the Gibson Mel Gibson Tribute (tag line: “For those who started every war but still want to rock”) remain two of the best-selling guitars of all time.
Federal agents are concerned the wood used to manufacture Mel Gibson Gibsons come from “suspicious sources”.
According to affidavits, the wood in question might be illegal under US laws prohibiting the sale of suspiciously acquired or endangered wood and plants.
The primary question facing the Justice Department is, are these guitars made from leftover crucifixes used in Mel’s movie The Passion?
Industry insiders suggest they are.
No criminal charges have yet been filed.
A Jewish sound engineer who worked on the film explained that once production wrapped and the sets were torn down, the crosses were disassembled, set aside and marked ‘for future use’.
“Those crucifixes were primarily hollow-bodies designed to look realistic but more importantly, sound good. Between takes the actors were really jamming up there. None of them ever wanted to come down; even during lunch breaks. And that says a lot because they were all union members. I’m telling you, that’s how good those crucifixes sounded!”
On-line music stores have since been forced off-line, their servers crashing under the high demand for Mel Gibson Tribute guitars.
Gibson Guitars was also caught off-guard, their guitar forums lighting up like a Texas State execution on the Fourth of July. Yeehaw.
As a humorous footnote, this marks another in a long line of problems afflicting anyone coming into contact with Mel Gibson, and represents the second time this company has come under investigation. In 2009, the guitar manufacturer came under scrutiny for allegedly using illegally imported wood. Again, criminal charges were never pursued.
Funny And Jewish is a satirical humour website
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ABC Nets New Host for ‘The View’
It’s official: New York’s fabled ‘Talking Fish’ has been chosen to replace a convalescing Barbara Walters on ABC’s The View.
Ms. Walters who once had a legitimate career interviewing such heavyweights as Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin and Egyptian President Anwar Sadat, now prefers to schmooze celebrities about movies and how world politics affect their affluent lifestyles.
The surprise announcement was made by Ms. Walters as she was rushed through the cardiac wing of Manhattan’s Mount Sinai Hospital for corrective heart surgery. Holding court inside the O.R. after being prepped, she admitted that she really wasn’t there for collagen lip treatments or for breast augmentation; 2 persistent rumors she did very little to deny on her daytime program.
The show’s creator and executive producer was beaming effusively under the lights as the anesthesiologist tried several times, unsuccessfully, to put her under. “This is going to take an extra dose”, he said. “The older ones usually don’t go down fighting but this one’s tenacious”.
ABC wasted little time announcing a summer replacement for the network’s long-running female gabfest.
Something Smells Fishy at ‘The View’
When informed that she would be sharing the stage with a talking carp, co-host Whoopi Goldberg became livid. The Oscar-winning actress herself was originally hired as a replacement for the frequently controversial Rosie O’Donnell who left the show for a barroom brawl weeks before her contract expired. “What’s wrong with who we have now? I ain’t gonna sit next to no carp” she said emphatically. At least, that was until renegotiations in the I.C.U. broke down.
When the ‘Talking Fish’ first appeared in New Square, New York, he admonished customers for not buying him for their Sabbath meal. Locals swear the fish was a reincarnated rabbi whose task was to bring the town to repent, then subsequently be served as lunch to God-fearing, merit-worthy gluttons.
Surprisingly few customers took notice of the ‘Talking Fish’ in view of the store’s insanely low, low, prices.
Well…he’s back and singing a different tune. Gone are yesterday’s prophesies of doom and gloom. At his first press conference, Doug said he wants to be more convivial, less apoplectic. “People today no longer want to hear messages like repent or else!!! This time around I won’t be focusing so much on the negative.”
Doug the Talking Fish also admitted to being just as surprised as everyone else at having been chosen. When a reporter from the back mentioned that he had no prior hosting experience, the straight-talking fish shot back: “Hey, I’m not a woman either and they still hired me. I obviously have something to offer aside from a pretty face. Charlie the Tuna ain’t got nothing on me man.”
When his contract expires at the end of summer, Doug will have many options to weigh on his scales including an offer to host a wildlife fishing show. “That would just be gross on so many levels” he said, swimming away from the press conference.
[FunnyAndJewish saw the above picture at Conservative American.org and found it hilariously disturbing!]