Current Egyptian President Mohamed Mursi has sparked national and international controversy by granting himself powers only last enjoyed by Pharaoh Ramesses II.
In addition to being referred to as the Fourth King of the 19th Dynasty, Pharaoh Mursi (as he now likes to be called) will also be traveling in similar political circles.
With “absolute” control, Egypt’s new pharaoh and “royal assembly” i.e. the Islamic Muslim Brotherhood, will be constitutionally shielded from any political challenges and all future prosecution by anybody, anywhere.
Egypt’s Current Economic Condition
Given the plethora of options resulting from the democratic reforms attributed to the Arab Spring, Cairo media reports that today’s Egyptian would prefer complete Jewish subjugation over conventional economic trade with Israel.
Yes, you read that correctly. A staggering 100% of Egyptians would replace modern day commerce with Jewish slavery.
And did this change in Egyptian zeitgeist happen overnight?
Not according to even the most ardent of Muslim atheist economists, who attribute 10 devastating Biblically proportioned plagues that left the Egyptian empire beyond rehabilitation. This appears to be the result of over 3,400 years of grudges that have been left festering.
But to close on a happy note, the current mood at Tahir Square in downtown Cairo suggests a fond nostalgia for the “good ‘old days”, when baby Egyptians were read hieroglyphics to bed, and a taskmaster’s son could one day grow up to design world-class pyramids.
As a post script, when was the last time you heard anything as far-fetched as this proposition? Leave a comment, take our survey and make us one of your sources for Funny Jewish Humour on the web.
Jewish Humour
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WANTED: 1 PHARAOH
NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY
The “tide of change” that initially swept through Egypt continues to unfold unabated.
While no one knows who will replace Egypt’s acting military government, one thing is certain: When it comes time to replace former President Hosni Mubara, Egyptians do not want to return to the status quo.
Rather, they are nostalgic for something else…
Recent surveys suggest that a majority of Egyptians would prefer to re-enslave the Jewish people, rather than trade with them.
This change in public sentiment is attributed to many factors, the catalyst being an economy that has not recovered since God devastated that country 3,400 years ago with 10 plagues.
Apparently, Egyptians still hold a grudge and refuse to let it go.
Let By-Gones Be Damned!
After finally restoring order, Egypt’s temporary government now needs to focus on rejuvenating a moribund economy. And with popular support for capitalism flat-lining, a staggering 100% of Egyptians would immediately replace modern day commerce with Jewish bondage.
“It’s nothing personal”, noted a government official without identification or shoes. “We simply want to return to simpler times. To a time when Egyptians could grow up to be royal taskmasters and everyone read hieroglyphics. Didn’t anyone see The Prince of Egypt?”
Israel’s RSVP: “Not a Second Time”
Israeli President Benjamin Netanyahu quickly rebuffed the cold shift in Egyptian diplomacy. “We’re not moving anywhere, especially after we’ve spent so much time cleaning our homes for Passover. Furthermore, we have to continue building more houses in East Jerusalem, and then clean them for next year’s Passover.”
Undeterred, the hard-line interim Council maintains its’ policies most accurately reflect Egyptian public opinion “and therefore, we’ll never have any need for future democratic elections or reforms …Please don’t put that in.”
Who Wants To Be A Pharaoh?
Wanna Fill These Bandages?
Subsequent to its new mandate, the acting administration will install a new Pharaoh as their permanent replacement.
Well-placed and highly malnourished sources spoke of initially wanting to use social media sites Twitter and Facebook to promote their search before realizing that they had blocked them.
The methods settled on to find their king include the new Egyptian reality show ‘Who Wants To Be A Pharaoh?’ and strategically placed ads in the personal sections of locally, banned publications.
For now at least, Egypt’s temporary regime will persevere, continuing its best to revitalize the country’s economy by further pillaging it.
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Dear Diary,
If you’ve ever heard 3.5 million Jews sleeping, you’ll understand why I’m up at this ungodly hour writing. I don’t know how anyone can snooze with all the excitement that’s been happening around hear lately.
Where should I begin?
It’s been 1 month since we left Egypt and I think Moses (“call me Moshe”) has finally settled into his position as ‘Leader of the Jewish People’. His older brother Aaron believes it’s all about personal confidence, but I think it has more to do with getting over the new learning curve that comes with being ‘Leader of the Jewish People’.
At any rate, the man looks great. Maybe it has something to do with that new kosher diet that is all the rage. But that’s another story altogether.
Nevertheless, he must be doing something right. That extra bounce in his step shaved significant Sea-crossing time.
Listen to me going on about other people’s health. I’m starting to sound like one of Pharaoh’s gym teachers: “Today, we’re going to throw bricks. Tomorrow, we’ll build on that by throwing bricks with baby Jews in them!”
As an aside, I caught Shmuly again, yelling at a rock…waiting for water to come pouring out. I worry about that boy. You know, our leader Moses has 72 names and he can’t even remember 1 of them.
Now that I think about it though, if it wasn’t for Shmuly, we might never have crossed the water at all. Let me explain.
The entire Egyptian army was swiftly closing in on us and our backs were to the Sea. Most were panic-stricken, immobilized by fear screaming for help. The rest were “shushing” the hysterical because they wanted to pray.
It was only after a boy named Nachshon jumped into the water that the Sea parted. True story. He jumped in simply to get away from Shmuly, who kept double-daring him to go first. Nachshon finally had enough of Shmuly and did. Everyone simply followed in after him.
So for whatever its worth, we should remember that we might never have been saved if not for the classic shenanigans of a real ‘nudge’ (pest) in the truest sense.
Well, it looks like the Pillars of Fire are about to go out and a new day is about to begin. I can hear all 12 Tribes beginning to stir already.
That’s my time for today.
Until tomorrow, Shalom.