Did I hear right?

A cat? A cat?

That’s exactly what happens when you have too much democracy. People vote for cats.

I am never buying Monopoly again. Voters have decided to replace the original iron piece (token) with a cat. Never mind the missed opportunities with cool, shiny robots and helicopters. The idiot voting public has spoken and in unity they scratched out the word c-a-t on their ballots.

Remember, we weren’t talking about just any old game, but…Monopoly: The Special Limited Jewish Edition.

Just to remind you, these were your choices:

(1) Golden Calf –

(2) Sabbath Crock Pot –

(3) Moses and Staff –

(4) Wine Kiddish Cup –

(5) Dreidel –

(6) Havdalah Candle –

AND THEY STILL MANAGED TO CHOOSE CATS…

Funny and Jewish is a clean Jewish Humour (Jewish humor) website.

A cat? A cat?

This is exactly what happens when you have too much democracy. People vote for cats.

I am never buying Monopoly again. Voters have decided to replace the original iron piece (token) with a cat. Never mind the missed opportunities with cool, shiny robots and helicopters. The idiot voting public has spoken and in unity they scratched out the word c-a-t on their ballots.

Remember, we weren’t talking about just any old game, but…Monopoly: Special Limited Jewish Edition.

These were your choices :

(1) Golden Calf –

(2) Sabbath Crock Pot –

(3) Moses and Staff –

(4) Wine Kiddish Cup –

(5) Dreidel –

(6) Havdalah Candle –

AND THEY STILL MANAGED TO CHOOSE CATS…

Funny and Jewish is a clean Jewish Humour (Jewish humor) website.

Funny Jewish Italian News Flash

Hundreds of Virgin Mary statues have been found vandalized across Italy, left intact except that all of their hands have been cut off. Police were able to return the figures to their rightful owners and are advising caution, as the fugitive in question is extremely armed and dangerous.

Funny and Jewish is a clean Jewish Humour (Jewish humor) website.

A Slovakian legend strongly advises that eating a bowl of mixed fruit (or the equivalent of 3 cans of fruit cocktail) will reduce the risk of coming into contact with Jews by at least 7%.

Equally important, the findings concluded that there also appears to be no dangerous side effects, according to this, the first ever large-scale, arbitrary study on the subject.

The Jewish-shielding effects associated with daily fruit consumption was described as “modest at best” by Slovakian anti-Semites, but emphasized that the primary use of fruit was to ingest their vitamins, with the added benefits of preventing nutritional deficiencies.

Any Jewish protective properties “are simply an added bonus”.

The conclusions were published in the Journal of Slovakian Medicine and presented at a meeting of Ukrainian farmers and MDs.

About one-third of eastern European adults eat less than a bowl of mixed fruit per day according to someone who speaks with a funny eastern European accent. The Journal of Slovakian Medicine quotes many ecumenical pronouncements, most notably the Vatican Documents of Vatican I.

Oh… and to answer the initial question, we would argue to the Slovakians that their findings are in fact, based on a myth.

Eating fruit has nothing to do with not seeing any Jews. Jews simply choose to no longer live in the Slovakian regions.

If we’re wrong, you can always e-mail us… Like that will ever happen.

Funny And Jewish is a clean Jewish Humour (Jewish Humor) Website

Swedish superstore Ikea has been censured for deleting images of Jews from all Saudi versions of its furniture catalogues, a move the company is reluctantly correcting.

The Swedish and Arab-marketed catalogues are virtually identical except that in the Saudi versions, Jews or anyone who “looks remotely Jewish in a New York kind of way”, have been airbrushed out of otherwise identical pictures.

For example, a bathrobe-clad bubby shown standing in her kitchen baking challah with her grandson was erased, leaving just an unsupervised boy in the picture.

“We should have known that excluding Jews or even pictures of men who were simply wearing black hats from appearing in our catalogues is in conflict with the IKEA Group of values, whatever they may be” the company said.

Jews are allowed to appear in Saudi media but only on the condition that they are not shown in a positive light and providing the local Saudi censors black out most parts of a Jew’s face and body, including arms, legs and chest.

FYI: When Starbucks opened in the region it removed the image of the woman’s face from its logo, keeping only her crown for fear of alluring poor Arab men to sin with their caffé lattes.

Ikea’s Saudi-Arabian online presence is also quite conspicuously absence of any Jews. In fact, one picture of a group of Jewish women celebrating Rosh Kodesh on new outdoor patio furniture was removed altogether!

IKEA… Swedish for WTF?

Funny And Jewish is a clean Jewish Humour (Jewish Humor) web site.

Honest Enough Reporting

A sharp rise in youth crime suggests children are becoming involved in gang-related activities at alarmingly younger ages.

Of particular concern is a new group of Irish young offenders called the Mr. Potato Skinheads.

They are known for threatening to rearrange their victim’s faces, leaving them covered with cheese and bacon bits and a variety of assorted toppings.

Today’s Funny & Jewish Topical Question of the Day:

As with Egypt and Libya, can an Irish Spring be far behind?

Funny And Jewish is a clean Jewish Humour website.

WikiLeaks and FunnyAndJewish have a lot in common.

WikiLeaks is a controversial whistle-blowing website.

So is FunnyAndJewish.

WikiLeaks publishes submissions of unobtainable information from anonymous news sources.

Funnily enough, so does FunnyAndJewish.

How do we do it?

Simple. We take our lead from Australian WikiLeaks founder Julian Assage – our favorite Twenty-First Century Yenta.

ISRAELI REACTION IS MUTED “Revelations, Shmevelations”

The following JEWikiLeaks cables reveal a curious fascination with international Jewry in general, and Israel in particular.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 1: Jewish World-Wide Conspiracy

There appears to be no international Jewish conspiracy as far as the gentile world is concerned. However, a splinter group calling itself ‘Artscroll’ has quietly insinuated itself in Jewish life through bookstores. They seem determined to direct Jewish thought along the lines of how to pray, learn Torah and putting it bluntly, how to live like a Jew. Gentiles everywhere are rightly concerned about where this might lead to next.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 2: Jewish Garb

• Black is once again the color of choice for religious Jews.
• Kippahs are once again mandatory (for men) at Conservative Synagogues.
• All manner of clothing at Reconstructionist summer “Learning Retreats” are once again optional.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 3: Jews and The World Economy

“Get real. They can’t even run their own organizations.”

JEWikiLeaks Cable 4: Jewish Blood Libel and Matzah

Randomly collected samples of chemically analyzed matzah concluded that none were baked from the crushed bones of Christian babies.

Matzah’s unique flavor seems derived from a specific blend of flour, water and timing. Not blood.

Any Christian flavor enhancement (e.g. fat, muscle tissue, soul) is unnecessary and is in fact, strictly forbidden.

*Vegan Exemption: Modern-day accusations of Blood Libels no longer apply to Jewish vegans by virtue of this special dispensation.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 5: Israelis

Diplomatic conclusion: Israelis are not rude. They’re just often mistaken for brash, angry New Yorkers who have forgotten how to get home.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 6: Reform Temples

In a similar vein, Reform Jews face west when praying not to be philosophically or religiously different, but because they simply have a very bad sense of direction.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 7: Russian Jews – Any left in Israel?

Former Russian Jews who made Aliyah years ago are no longer Israel’s main export. Bad press is.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 8: Jews and Segregation

World Jewry is active in fighting all forms of racism, social inequality and segregation…a sharp contrast to North American Jewish Day Schools where students are segregated according to whose parents can or can’t afford to pay full tuition.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 9: Protocols of The Elders of Zion – Fact or Fiction?

In today’s modern world, the Protocols of the Elders of Zion is accepted in more places than money (Hello Radio Islam!). Like the stage-musical Miss Saigon, it simply refuses to go away, guaranteeing a flourishing cottage industry of Protocols books, DVDs and ‘authority speakers’, lurking on university campuses provoking fights.

Bottom Line Assessment: The temptation will soon be too great for even Jewish organizations to use them for their fund-raising drives.

Funny And Jewish is a satirical humour website

The surprise announcement that the Gibson Guitar Company will honor Mel Gibson with a line of Mel Gibson Tribute guitars is rocking the industry (see Gibson Guitars Honors Mel Gibson).

On-line music stores have been forced off-line, their servers crashed by the high volume of requests and demand. The Gibson Guitar Company was also apparently caught off-guard, overwhelmed with advanced orders of the Gibson-Gibson, while guitar forums lit up like a Texas State execution on the Fourth of July.

Many questions surrounding the Mel Gibson Tribute Guitar need to be addressed. Namely, are these new guitars made from the wood saved from Mel’s movie The Passion? Specifically, the crucifixes.

Some insiders have suggested they are indeed.

A Jewish sound engineer who worked on the film but asked not to be identified, explained that once production finished and the sets were torn down, the crosses were disassembled separately and set aside, marked for “future use”.

“Those crucifixes were primarily hollow-bodies. They were manufactured to sound good. The actors were jamming all day up there between takes. It sounds funny but they never wanted to be brought down. Even on the hottest days of filming. I’m telling you that’s how good the sound from that wood was!”

It should be noted that Gibson Guitars is an industry leader in promoting the use of sustainable wood in the use of making its guitars. As we can see, this tradition proudly continues.

As funny as it might sound, the most popular Gibson-Gibson Tribute Guitar just might be the line made for Jews, or as the tag suggests: “For those who started every war but still want to rock”.

Seems that the guitar’s jet-black design compliments the Jewish traditional all black clash-with-nothing Jewish Orthodox Chassidic garb.

P.S. the Gibson Tribute Guitar works wonders for Jewish out reach!

Funny And Jewish is a satirical humor website.