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Circumcision Ban Bites!


Being modest torchbearers for matters funny and Jewish, we feel incumbent to respond to the current events in San Francisco concerning a proposal to ban infant bris/circumcisions.

Accordingly, this proposition would take away a parent’s right to choose, transferring that decision to the child once he reaches the age of majority (where of course, pain and sheer common sense are not considerations).

We can no longer look away and pretend that this is not really happening. Although that is how we best cope at circumcisions anyway. If the ‘foreskinites’ have their way, performing a circumcision on an infant will become a chargeable offense.

Two things will happen if they, i.e. the ‘foreskinites’ are successful:

(1) We will lose sponsors for our readers to boycott.

(2) Sending your son for a religious nip ‘n tuck will result in a misdemeanor charge and $1000 fine or jail.

How Can You Boycott Something That’s Not There?

For most humor websites, ad sponsorships represent opportunities to generate revenue. For us however, ads enable FunnyAndJewish to make political statements.

We may not stand by our sponsors, but we support their right to be boycotted. Without their contributions, we would not be able to draw your attention to their services so that you could, in turn, boycott them.

The reasoning is both as flawless and as sound as the website it helped establish.

To help illustrate this point, Al’s Bris and Catering and Hy’s Hemp Sukkahs are two new and welcomed participants to our ad campaign. (Click to visit them if you want, we don’t care).

By their standards, their campaigns are successful; people are clicking on their ads to find what they’re all about. From our perspective, they’re also successful because no one is buying anything from them. We’re both happy.

Most importantly, it is a win-win for you because our readers are now the most educated participants of any Jewish boycott the world over, bar none!

However, if circumcision bans pass, Al goes mobile and head for the hills. No more slicing and dicing means no more advertising from Al. No advertising means nothing to boycott. And no one wins….not Al, not us, not you, no one!

Consequently, everyone at FunnyAndJewish, from our writers to our charwomen are unanimously opposed to the current referendum.

To be specific, we are opposed to the present proposition as it stands.

Why? Because it doesn’t go far enough!

If circumcision is truly child abuse equatable with female genital mutilation, then the mumzers responsible for such heinous acts must be brought to justice and locked away before they can pose an even greater threat to society.

If circumcision is indeed San Francisco’s crime of the century, then that procedure should never be an option, even at the age of 18. Instead, it should be reserved solely as a replacement for the electric chair.

Think about it.

What is regarded by some to be “unnecessary, uncivilized and barbaric torture” at 8 days of age must be equally so at 18 years. Therefore, we can only conclude that the San Francisco ‘foreskinites’ are pantywaist pretenders who are too wishy-washy to take a genuine stand.

Real Jewish men decide to circumcise their boys at 8 days (see your rabbi for exceptions, taxes extra, dealers may sell for less). What real men don’t do, quite clearly, is delay that decision for 18 years and off-load it onto their kids. That is not what God or common sense deems sensible.

Finally, consider the following questions:

Where will the prohibition on infant bris/circumcisions stop and who will be next on the anti-bris hit list? Will the ban be retroactive with no grandfather clause, thus enabling the city to mandate foreskin reattachment through grafting?

Look, we get sick and squeamish just thinking about it. And considering that we love herring with onions…(really, and after scotch), that says quite a lot!

FunnyAndJewish is a Satirical Jewish Humour Website


One Response “Circumcision Ban Bites!”

  1. Ruth
    September 2, 2011 at 4:13 am

    Great site! Very funny stuff. Hope you do more.

    Thanx for the laughs – just what I needed today!

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