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Wednesday March 29th 2017

Haman’s Report Card- Funny Jewish Humour Purim Classic

Funny Jewish Purim Humor

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Dear Parents,

Your son’s name is way too long. It’s impossible to put it on a birthday cake.

It would be easier for everyone here at school if we could simply call your son Haman, instead of:

Haman, the son of Hammedatha the Agagite, the son of Srach, the son of Buza, the son of Iphlotas, the son of Dyosef, the son of Dyosim, the son of Prome, the son of Ma’dei, the son of Bla’akan, the son of Intimrom, the son of Harirom, the son of Sh’gar, the son of Nigar, the son of Farmashta, the son of Vayezatha, the son of Agag, the son of Sumki, the son of Amalek, the son of the concubine of Eliphaz, and finally, just before I collapse, the firstborn son of Esau…ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s funny, like a funny joke, but attendance takes forever.

By the time we finish reading his name, the class is over.

Might I suggest a nickname – How about Nick?

And what’s up with Haman’s obsession with woodwork?

I might add though, his attention to detail is frighteningly excessive. Just what is going on over at your house anyway? All that sawing. What are you… a family of woodpeckers? Whenever your he sees a termite, he goes ballistic.

And while I’m pleased with the exceptional pride Haman derives from carpentry, I’m not happy with his overall attitude.

I’m now specifically referring to little Hama’s tendency to play hangman and the lotteries with his friends to the exclusion of everything else. He has an obsession with astrology that bothers me.

Moreover, I find Haman’s fondness for gallows humour slightly disturbing.

Finally, let’s talk about character development for a moment. Little Haman only talks to those friends who bows down to him…

What does that say?

If you can, let us agree to meet so that together we can both work toward improving Haman’s language skills.

I say this because as of this very moment, Haman still struggles with the ability to distinguish between such seemingly straightforward phrases as ‘that’s acceptable’ and ‘no means no’.

Also,  you might as well stop sending 3-cornered pastries for lunch. Haman refuses to share.

I also worry that given enough rope Haman just may hang himself. Because like the song says, “when Haman loves a woman…”

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