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Saturday May 27th 2017

Changing How Priests Should Be Paid – Jewish Humour Report

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A new report concludes that changing the ways priests are paid would immediately give them greater incentives to forgive their parishioners, making the road to hell slightly less rocky and the repentance business that much more efficient.

It’s Really All About Volume…

Members of the clergy who minister to families should be compensated for each worshiper, instead of the current system that pays for each religious service or “service fees” issued to clients for cajoling God into accepting their client’s prayers says a Christian think-tank in a report to be released sometime soon.

The religious policy institute argues that vicars and preachers (and rectors…oh my) are more akin to long-term chronic care managers i.e. diagnosing, prescribing and referring. The religious think-tank said a “capitation” system (payment per person rather than a payment per service) would encourage priests to accept greater attendees, thereby keeping them out of hell with fewer visits.

For this, priests, ministers and everyone up to but not including the Pope would receive an up-front, one-time, lump-sum monetary payment.

The Holy See in Vatican City already has a partial capitation system in place – a majority of the holy movers and shakers receive “blended payments”… some % here and a little $ there comes from capitation. Did you seriously think that all of those fine robes clean themselves?

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