Jewish Humour, Jewish jokes, laughs and funny features
Saturday May 27th 2017

Is Veganism Zionism?

Funny Jewish Humor Vegan Zionist joke

Vegans, Jews and Zionism

I had been asked to comment on the following resolution:

“Resolved: Veganism is the new Zionism.”

Could it be true? I started to wonder aloud to myself …ARE THEY SO SIMILAR, THEY’RE THE SAME?

According to an old proverb  “There are no stupid questions”.

REALLY?

As a matter of fact there are; and the answer to this one is “No, veganism is not the new Zionism” and here’s the why -

Zionists and vegans view the world through 2 different lenses.

Vegans see meat, eggs and cheese as things to be avoided in the world. Zionists, on the other hand, see them as tools to use as weapons to oppose anyone else preventing them from fulfilling God’s biblical prophecy of living in Israel.

Vegans are nothing like Zionists because every Zionist has 1 true homeland that is Israel. You could say that a Vegan’s homeland is wherever that vegan finds himself looking at the ground to find a place to plant his breakfast.

Here’s another difference: a Zionist might find himself at war if Israel were to be attacked. A vegan could probably go through his entire life without ever seeing 5 minutes of military action if he lives in virtually any other free country.

Here’s another: Vegans have never been collectively accused of either world domination or of controlling the world’s banks. The fact that there is no “blood libel” against vegans speaks volumes, while also accounting for their high-conversion rate.

More stupid conversations about Zionists and vegans continue to abound in the Twitter universe:

Can a Zionist be a vegan?

(Yes.)

Can a vegan be a Zionist?

(Yes.)

If they’re the same, then why don’t you also capitalize the ”V” in vegan?

(…)

Let’s define our terms so we’re all on the same page in this discussion.

Who is a Zionist?

According to the Jewish Virtual Library, Zionism simply means the national movement for the return of the Jewish people to their homeland and the resumption of Jewish sovereignty in the Land of Israel.

Who is a vegan?

Indeed. Vegans don’t look any more different than you or I, excluding those of us who don’t always look perpetually exhausted or sickly.

A vegan’s diet is plant-based; not eating or using any animal by-products including meat, milk, honey, eggs or wax fruit (just checking if you’re paying attention). Orthodox vegans are also inclined to avoid wearing anything made from silk, wool and leather, as well as any other animal products for clothing or for practical use.

While disagreements have led to divisions within the Zionist movement (splinter groups have emerged, most notably Political Zionism, Socialist Zionism and Religious Zionism), no such nonsense exists in a vegan’s world.

There is very little disagreement among vegans regarding what literally constitutes “eating a living thing”. It’s pretty straightforward. In fact, there seems to be a sense of calm dwelling within practicing vegans, one that remains forever foreign and quite elusive to the Zionist.

Speaking of which, Zionists also seem to be much louder than vegans. Vegans don’t bark at you when you’re out at a deli. They seldom have enough energy… Have you ever heard of a militant vegan? Can they even be weaponized?

The Bible enumerates animals prohibited for consumption (bats, pigs, insects, etc.) only to help identify and classify those animals whose meat is permitted (cows, chickens, certain fish).

Let’s back things up. Nowhere in Judaism is eating meat prohibited (excluding fast days). Indeed, vegetarianism is never endorsed as a morally superior life style. Most Biblical festivals in Israel (Zionists by nature) involved the consumption of meat. Today there are rabbinic opinions that argue a “meal” that does not include meat, does not qualify as a true (i.e. legal) holiday meal!

For Zionists living in Israel, it’s very difficult to be a vegan. For vegans, it is not very difficult to live outside of Israel.

In Biblical days, Jews were religiously obligated to eat meat, specifically roasted meat on Passover. They could not abstain from fear of rising cholesterol.

Speaking of Zionists, has the United Nations ever passed a resolution in the General Assembly equating veganism with racism? F.Y.I., it was a charitable N.G.O. that likened veganism with vegetarianism. That resolution was also subsequently abolished courtesy of a very small, but powerful European-based vegetarian lobby group with tentacles deep in Washington D.C.

Jewish texts are replete with examples of meat consumption. For example, when Abraham invited guests he served meat, not tofu. When the children of Israel were wandering in the desert, they were given quail to eat. And Temple donations were made in the form of animals, eventually eaten by the high priests.

Funny Jewish Humor Vegan Zionist joke
You don’t have to be religious to be a Zionist, but you can be a religious vegan. Are you confused yet? Read on.

If a Zionist was stranded on a desert island with nothing to eat but animals, would he eat meat? You bet he would! I’m also betting that a starving vegan would also eat the meat just as fast as the Zionist. Come to think of it, a stranded vegan might also drink his own urine.

Just the same, I’d sooner cook for myself.

Funny and Jewish is a clean, Jewish Humour website.

Share and Enjoy:

  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • email
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • Twitter


Related Posts



Leave a Reply