An outbreak of boorish behavior in Lebanon has left over 9,800 locals offended with international fingers now pointing at the UN peacekeeping troops stationed there.
According to well-placed Lebanese public etiquette officials, the recent upsurge in rudeness is “most likely” attributed to a UN soldiers camp “and you know how those boys talk.”
The United Nations remains united in denying any complicity, and continues to offer prewritten quotes from an internal report that concluded it is never possible to find fault with the UN (in general) and UN soldiers (specifically) for anything. “Period.”
Despite growing suspicions surrounding UN-Lebanese peacekeeping etiquette, UN Secretary General Ban Ki “call me Keith” Moon insists that it is just simply impossible to verify the origins of the offensive behavior.
A UN Watch investigation, however, revealed that inadequate verbal self-restraint and potty-mouthed outbursts from UN troops were really to blame for contaminating local Lebanese ears.
As a consequence, UN troops must now be thoroughly trained in good manners and civil comportment.
The UN Secretary, meanwhile, continues to dodge behind an equally pressing issue: the current optics suggest that the UN is hiding behind a report whose conclusion is dubious at best, even for a UN report.
While no one has deliberately accused the UN of “poisoning the ears of any Lebanese”, it is hard not to feel for the 9,800 Muslims, Christians and Druze (not a single Jew to spit on!) who suffered at the hands of those uncouth UN soldiers.
Might legal action be next?
Especially when you consider that Lebanon is a country where public etiquette is taken very seriously. F.Y.I. Insults are a crime and several witty comebacks can land someone 10 years in Beirut solitary.
Yes…, very serious indeed.
So serious in fact, that Jewish layers are now being aggressively courted to represent these very “victims of UN atrocity”. And you know that these Lebanese victims won’t be coming cheap. Not when considering that recent claims against the UN for “hurt feelings” are now averaging $100,000 per (all figures in US dollars).