Dear Funny Jewish Answer Lady:
I am going to be married for the first time and my Jewish mother and I disagree on the time I need to be home. The general reception and wedding ceremony should be over by 7 pm, with dinner and dancing probably going until midnight, but she wants me to be home by midnight.
I’m not quite sure why she is being so insistent about this restriction.
I have attempted to speak with her on several occasions about this but to no avail. Even when I pointed out that the number of rabbis who will be in attendance will almost outnumber our guests, it wasn’t enough to change her mind.
Nothing bothers me more than not knowing her reason.
What advice can you suggest to convince her that I should be allowed to stay until the wedding is over? As far as I know, that means until the last guest leaves; and I’m pretty sure that everyone sitting at the head-table is staying until the end.
–Jewish and Confused–
Dear Jewish and Confused,
I’m taking your side on this, barely. I agree with you that you should be able to stay until the conclusion of your own wedding. I’m assuming that your mother will be waiting up for you when you get home so that the extra half-hour or 45 minutes that you stay out thanking your guests for coming should be fine.
However, I also believe that your mother is being careful and prudent in her unrelenting stipulations.
If she refuses to bend on this occasion, use it to prove to her how well you handled the situation, and by extension married life. She may then come to change her mind and opinions about you by the time you have your first child.