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JEWikiLeaks


 Jewish WikiLeaks Humour

WikiLeaks and FunnyAndJewish have a lot in common.

WikiLeaks is a controversial whistle-blowing website.

So is FunnyAndJewish.

WikiLeaks publishes submissions of unobtainable information from anonymous news sources.

Funnily enough, so does FunnyAndJewish.

How do we do it?

Simple. We take our lead from Australian WikiLeaks founder Julian Assage – our favorite Twenty-First Century Yenta.

ISRAELI REACTION IS MUTED “Revelations, Shmevelations”

The following JEWikiLeaks cables reveal a curious fascination with international Jewry in general, and Israel in particular.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 1: Jewish World-Wide Conspiracy

There appears to be no international Jewish conspiracy as far as the gentile world is concerned. However, a splinter group calling itself ‘Artscroll’ has quietly insinuated itself in Jewish life through bookstores. They seem determined to direct Jewish thought along the lines of how to pray, learn Torah and putting it bluntly, how to live like a Jew. Gentiles everywhere are rightly concerned about where this might lead to next.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 2: Jewish Garb

  • Black is once again the color of choice for religious Jews.
  • Kippahs are once again mandatory (for men) at Conservative Synagogues.
  • All manner of clothing at Reconstructionist summer “Learning Retreats” are once again optional.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 3: Jews and The World Economy

“Get real. They can’t even run their own organizations.”

JEWikiLeaks Cable 4: Jewish Blood Libel and Matzah

Randomly collected samples of chemically analyzed matzah concluded that none were baked from the crushed bones of Christian babies.

Matzah’s unique flavor seems derived from a specific blend of flour, water and timing. Not blood.

Any Christian flavor enhancement (e.g. fat, muscle tissue, soul) is unnecessary and is in fact, strictly forbidden.

*Vegan Exemption: Modern-day accusations of Blood Libels no longer apply to Jewish vegans by virtue of this special dispensation.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 5: Israelis

Diplomatic conclusion: Israelis are not rude. They’re just often mistaken for brash, angry New Yorkers who have forgotten how to get home.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 6: Reform Temples

In a similar vein, Reform Jews face west when praying not to be philosophically or religiously different, but because they simply have a very bad sense of direction.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 7: Russian Jews – Any left in Israel?

Former Russian Jews who made Aliyah years ago are no longer Israel’s main export. Bad press is.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 8: Jews and Segregation

World Jewry is active in fighting all forms of racism, social inequality and segregation…a sharp contrast to North American Jewish Day Schools where students are segregated according to whose parents can or can’t afford to pay full tuition.

JEWikiLeaks Cable 9: Protocols of The Elders of Zion – Fact or Fiction?

In today’s modern world, the Protocols of the Elders of Zion is accepted in more places than money (Hello Radio Islam!). Like the stage-musical Miss Saigon, it simply refuses to go away, guaranteeing a flourishing cottage industry of Protocols books, DVDs and ‘authority speakers’, lurking on university campuses provoking fights.

Bottom Line Assessment: The temptation will soon be too great for even Jewish organizations to use them for their fund-raising drives.

Funny And Jewish is a satirical humour website

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