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Whale Sighted off Israeli Coast

Funny Jewish Israeli Whale A whale swimming against a current of convention appeared off the coast of Israel. The last such occurrence was several hundred years ago, or as U.S. Republican Senator John McCain says “like only yesterday.”

Considering that whale navigation technology has advanced dramatically over the centuries, sightings like these remain very rare indeed.

The whale measuring approximately 12 meters or a typical Jerusalem apartment for a family of 9, was spotted about a mile and a half out from land. What has baffled scientists and theologians is why Israel?

Did the whale arrive 1 week early to celebrate the Jewish festival of Shavuot? Probably not, he looks reform (no head-covering over the blow-hole) and probably doesn’t even know that such a holiday exists. It is also the Jewish custom to eatt cheesecake, whereas whales prefer fish and prophets named Jonah.

Finally, according to the rabbis at Wikipeia, Shavout is 1 of the 3 Biblical pilgrimage festivals obligating men to travel to Jerusalem. While this mammal is not a man, he was also not an Israeli citizen when he arrival, thus technically discharging him from this obligation.

Protocol not withstanding, Israel’s Minister of Immigration and Absorption welcomed the whale, immediately granting him full citizenship under Israel’s Law of Return. The whale is assumed to be male because it refused to ask for directions, even though it was off course by several thousand miles … really!).

Following a welcome reception at Ben Gurion Airport, the whale was escorted back out to water, issued an Israeli passport and formally naturalized.

Then all hell broke loose.

World condemnation calling for the elimination of the Jewish Right of Return came quickly. Green Peace activist and Arab apologist Xavier Donlands suggested that the whale should be given refugee status and put indefinitely into a camp where it would bitterly live out the remainder of its’ life. The United Nations entered the row by demanding the whale be “internationalized”, while members of the Arab League insisted that their Palestinian brothers be given exactly the same rights as the whale. FYI: The whale was also barred from passing through any Arab territorial waters.

Complicating this aquatic fray were a small but vocal contingent of Christian zealots who were separated from their group. They believed the whale was an apocalyptic warning that all is not right in the world. No Kidding! But any regular person doesn’t need a heavenly sign to discern that one.

The whale, now a full-fledged Israeli, refuses to be a drain on the local economy and is determined to pay his way. While scientists and politicians debate where to move Israel’s largest citizen, it was the Jewish organization Lubavitch that found a workable solution: Chabad Lubavitch Sea World in Herzliya…opening soon!

Funny And Jewish is a satirical humour website

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2 Responses “Whale Sighted off Israeli Coast”

  1. Slushy
    June 8, 2010 at 11:12 am

    That’s not just Funny And Jewish, it’s funny and weird. Consider FunnyAndJewish bookmarked.

  2. CR
    June 14, 2010 at 5:43 am

    I like your humor web site very much! I only leave messages on what I consider to be top web sites.

    I would also like to see more Israeli political humor. It’s the best! LOL.

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