Funny And Jewish

For those returning to Judaism, Funny And Jewish is presenting excerpts from our Live Like an Orthodox Yid, A Practical Guide For Your Everyday Working Jo-seph.

In the absence of a qualified rabbi, please feel free to take notes.

– Part II –

PRAY IN THE LANGUAGE OF YOUR CHOICE…Mine is charades.

Many Bal-chuvas (Jewish returnees & newly observant) are frustrated by their lack of Hebrew. They see it as a major impediment to their growth in prayer and learning. The only skills that we developed seemed to be how to skip out of Sunday school without getting caught. The fact that we never progressed after our Bar/Bat Mitzvahs proves this point perfectly.

Hebrew as a barrier is very easy to overcome because today’s prayer books are translated, transliterated and even annotated in almost every language. N.C.S.Y. is even publishing a Hebrew-Esperanto prayer book!

At any rate, learning is easy with today’s reference aids. A modern Jewish Dictionary will be published this Chanukah. In it, readers will notice the inclusion of Rashi commentary as well as an increased thickness of 300%.

Continuing Adult Education

Today’s learning opportunities are virtually limitless providing that you know how to choose wisely. Here are 2 real examples taken from a local adult continuing studies course brochure. While these classes may sound Jewish, they are so in theme only and after closer inspection, should be avoided at all costs:

(1) Loneliness: You and Your Golem

“Are you looking for an extra learning partner? Maybe you’re tired of dating services that guarantee everything but only deliver disappointment?”

Folks let’s face it; you can never have enough friends. This workshop promised to teach everything necessary to bring your Golem to life. I’d never be lonely again. And with no previous conjuring experience required, it was almost impossible to resist!

(2) Confrontational Hebrew for Beginners

“Hold a conversation in God’s holy tongue while managing to alienate everyone else in the room…even if that room is Madison Square Gardens.”

This one was a real beauty, taught by an Orthodox union leader whose prolonged personal fasts have been misconstrued for hunger strikes. Students were guaranteed that they would have the necessary skills to be able to argue with 3 Israeli flight attendants simultaneously! F.Y.I. this class was recommended for anyone visiting friends who just made Aliyah.

Be vigilant my friends.

– End of Part II –

Funny And Jewish is a Satirical Humour Website

Tags: Education, Guide, Jewish Advice, Kabbalah, Learning, Orthodox