Rush up to the store’s manager and say in your best official voice, “Code 2 in Kids Shoes. Get on it STAT!”
Go to Customer Service and put a chocolate bar on layaway.
Move ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ signs to carpeted areas.
When you hear announcements coming over the PA (the loud speaker, not the Palestinian Authority), assume a fetal position and scream ‘Oh No. Not Those Voices Again!’
If asked for assistance by a salesman, begin crying “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
Look straight into a security camera and pretend to use it as a mirror while picking at your face.
Run around the store suspiciously humming the Mission Impossible theme.
Leave little trails of tomato juice leading to the women’s washroom.
When in the car department, practice your Madonna impression by using different sizes of funnels.
After spending time comparing guns in the hunting department, ask the sales staff where to also find anti-depressants.
Pitch a tent in the camping department and invite shoppers in to play.
Hide behind a clothing rack and when someone browses for the jackets yell: “Oh Please, Pick Me! Pick Me!”
Set all the alarm clocks in the Housewares department to go off at 2-minute intervals.
Go inside a change room, close the door and call out: “Hey!… If anyone can hear me, there’s no toilet paper in here.”